I tend to simultaneously deal with the struggle in two ways: to really dive into the deep, dark emotion with music, and then with humor. Jennifer Latham Robinson is an author, artist, musician, advocate, and entrepreneur with a passion for exploring the disability experience through her work. Jennifer was born with a birth anomaly called bilateral femoral focal deficiency, where the hips and legs do not completely form.

She has alternated between using a prosthesis, a wheelchair, and crutches, since she was two years old. Jennifer lives in Durham, North Carolina with her husband, two amazing daughters, a dog, two guinea pigs, and a fish. Skip to Main Content ×.

Main Menu U. News U. News World News Business Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism. Voices Queer Voices Women's Voices Black Voices Latino Voices Asian Voices. Special Projects Highline. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. From Our Partners The State of Abortion Epic Entertainment Heart Smart. International Australia Brazil Canada España France Ελλάδα Greece India Italia 日本 Japan 한국 Korea Québec U.

Follow Us. Part of HuffPost Relationships. All rights reserved. In a nutshell, what is your dating life like? Erin Hawley. Amin Lakhani. Do you talk about your disability in your online dating bio?

Do you include pics that show you have a physical disability? Photo courtesy of Lolo. Go To Homepage. Before You Go. Suggest a correction. Popular in the Community. MORE IN Relationships. The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. Abby De La Rosa Opens Up About Her Polyamorous Relationship With Nick Cannon. MORE IN LIFE. Mexican Chefs Reveal How To Find Actually-Good Tortilla Chips And What To Avoid. Doctors Warn About Some Surprising Risks Of Laser Hair Removal.

Gym Anxiety Is Real. Read This If You Take Pre-Workout Energy Drinks Before Exercising. As soon as the company refunded our tickets, I never heard from him again. In retrospect, this served only to contribute to the stigma I usually work so hard to fight. I felt like a hypocrite. In every other area of my life, my disability is front and center. I write and speak endlessly about being a proud, unapologetic disabled woman.

It is part of my identity, shaping everything I do and everything I value. But in the online dating world, my disability was my secret shame. So I decided it was time for a change. I started gradually, making references to my disability throughout my profile, then adding photos in which my wheelchair is clearly visible. I tried to keep things light and humorous. I grew tired of feeling like I needed to deceive men into being interested because society instilled in me that my disability makes me undesirable.

I realize some people are hesitant to date a human who experiences the world sitting down. Once I added that paragraph, I felt liberated, relieved that anyone I spoke to would have a clearer picture of me.

I am a female. I, like you, had trouble in the disabled dating world. Or should I say have. I am a paraplegic from am auto accident 17 years ago. In the beginning of the online dating I to would hide my disability until I got to know rhem better and they asked for a date.

I luckily have only had a handful of men reject me because of my wheelchair.

Gross messages are par for the course on dating apps. Just ask Lolo, a year-old lifestyle influencer from Los Angeles. Unfortunately for Lolo and other disabled people on dating apps, inappropriate questions about their disability and sex life are routine.

But there are some silver linings. I filter more. Erin: Oh God, online dating while disabled is a nightmare. I think, to some extent, everyone hates it. But for me, there were a lot of creepy messages by guys asking if I could have sex before even saying hello! And then I learned about devotees — people who fetishize disabled people. Lolo: The most troubling encounter actually happened in person on the third date with someone. Amin: Online dating has been pretty tame for me, honestly. I finally asked her about it and she told me she was surprised — my profile had only hinted at it, so from then on I always made it explicit.

Erin: Yes, I always mentioned it and included a full-length photo of myself in my wheelchair. There was no point in hiding it because a partner would eventually know I was disabled. Showing myself right away also weeds out those who are close-minded; why would I want to date someone like that? Lolo: I mention and encourage my followers on YouTube to do the same. Erin: The best response is always treating me as you would treat a non-disabled person, and understanding my autonomy.

Examine your biases, examine your prejudices. Read or listen to the voices in the disability community. My boyfriend never dated a disabled person before me, but he was open to learning about my physical needs and instantly treated me as his equal. Lolo: My best response on a date was with someone who simply treated me like a woman he was interested in.

It never felt like my disability or wheelchair affected him. He was helpful without doing too much and my disability was not a topic of conversation the whole night. We genuinely had a good time talking and hanging out. Amin: The best response is when someone gets in on the jokes with me. They were all shocked and we were laughing about it for days. If not, get to know them a little bit more and share some of your own vulnerabilities before bringing it up.

I just wish she had been more clear about it instead of going back and forth, as that caused a lot of frustration with breaking up and getting back together over and over. Not something I want to repeat, but it was a good learning experience. Things get hot and heavy quickly, but take your time switching positions, be helpful and enjoy the moment without being annoying.

Keep dating, keep putting yourself out there, and take breaks to refocus on yourself when needed. What advice would you give to other disabled people who are apprehensive about using online dating apps or just dating in general? Amin: Primarily, joke about your disability immediately. People will respond to it based on how you present it.

Trying to hide it or ignore it will just make people uncomfortable, because humans are naturally curious about anything that is unique.

You really must go into it with an armor of steel, because people are going to be cruel. Meet in person as soon as you can — someone might say they are OK with your disability, then change their mind when meeting in person. Lolo: My advice would be to just fearlessly try. And everyone struggles to date these days. Do you have a unique perspective or experience with dating?

E-mail us about it at ItsNotYou huffpost. Skip to Main Content ×. Main Menu U. News U. News World News Business Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism. Voices Queer Voices Women's Voices Black Voices Latino Voices Asian Voices.

Special Projects Highline. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. From Our Partners The State of Abortion Epic Entertainment Heart Smart.

International Australia Brazil Canada España France Ελλάδα Greece India Italia 日本 Japan 한국 Korea Québec U. Follow Us. Part of HuffPost Relationships. All rights reserved. In a nutshell, what is your dating life like?

Erin Hawley. Amin Lakhani. Do you talk about your disability in your online dating bio? Do you include pics that show you have a physical disability? Photo courtesy of Lolo. Go To Homepage. Before You Go. Suggest a correction. Popular in the Community. MORE IN Relationships. The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. Abby De La Rosa Opens Up About Her Polyamorous Relationship With Nick Cannon.

MORE IN LIFE. Mexican Chefs Reveal How To Find Actually-Good Tortilla Chips And What To Avoid. Doctors Warn About Some Surprising Risks Of Laser Hair Removal. Gym Anxiety Is Real. Read This If You Take Pre-Workout Energy Drinks Before Exercising.

Floods Are The Most Common Natural Disaster. Here's What You Need In Case Of One. I Regret To Inform You That This Daily Facial Exfoliator Is Ideal For Low-Maintenance Folks. Oktoberfest Is Back On Tap In Germany, But Inflation May Cause A Brouhaha. The Coziest Sheets For Your Bed, According To Reviewers.

The Inventor Of The Scrunchie Left A Lasting Mark On Fashion. Men's Fall Boots That Reviewers Say Are Actually Comfortable. These Supportive Ballet Flats For The Office Won't Kill Your Feet. Reviewers Say These Waterproof Hiking Boots Actually Kept Their Feet Dry. Grocery Carts, Bags And A Little Claw For Your Greatest Schleps And Hauls. These Filing Cabinets Are Not Hideous. You Can Finally Edit And Unsend Texts On Your iPhone, But There's A Catch!

What Does It Mean To Die Of 'Natural Causes'? The Most Common Side Effects Of The New Bivalent COVID Booster.

The One Color That Was Embraced By Everyone At The Emmys. These Weird-Looking Glasses Are The Reason I No Longer Get Car Sick. The Best Mayo For Tuna Salad, According To Experts Who Truly Know.

You Can Probably Walk Miles In These 30 Pairs of Comfy Shoes. The Funniest Marriage Tweets To Get You Through This Week. New Study Suggest Frightening Reality About Teens And Fake News. Is Diet Soda Really That Bad For You? Here's The Truth. More And More People Have 'Lifestyle Fatigue. I Found The Perfect Little Black Dress For Every Occasion In Life.

I cropped my wheelchair out of my photos. There was no point in hiding it because a partner would eventually know I was disabled. Lolo: My best response on a date was with someone who simply treated me like a woman he was interested in. In a nutshell, what is your dating life like? Before You Go.

Categories:

• Dating sites
• Dating apps
• Free apps
• Dating website
• Best dating